"You Outta Be in Pictures," The First Annual Amateur Adult Film Fest was THE place to be this past Tuesday night, Leap Day.

It started off with a girl doing a strip tease to NIN which was really kinda boring, she didn't reveal anything you can't on network TV, it seemed to go on forever. Next up was one of the submissions from organizer Kim Airs as her alter ego, "Leo de Genero," as Leo was hustling a stripper on stage with a live band playing. It was entertaining and got quite a few chuckles when Leo stripped down, only to reveal he was a woman. As the owner of Grand Opening, she's certainly got access to some of the most real looking dildos. Following that was a Mumenshantz-esque bit where a guy cut holes in the centers of paper plates and drew various faces around his penis. Then up was a dyke flick staring two weighty lesbians, one of them known as "Big Daddy" - it was set to the music of Morcheeba and was very well done, black and white, lots of night time street shots interspersed with these two women making love to each other. Following that was another female stripper, this one had vaginal piercings and was swinging in a chain sling type thing, masturbating with a dildo at the end.

Then "Leo de Genero" made another appearance as some woman pierced his cock - the audience was in tears laughing as Kim was pumping fake blood out of the dildo. Then up was a really short one with two girls, one posing as a guy, both fully clothed while one sucked a dildo off - not too exciting. But then - horror fell over the audience as an extremist guy was putting crochet needles in his pee-hole and clothes pins on his sack. It was enjoyable to watch the crowd was squirm and watch. The "actor" was sitting two seats over from me in the theater come to find out. His wife assured me that what he did in the video was "nothing" compared to what he can do. (Can't wait for the second annual fest!) Then up was a old guy fucking his girl up the butt, it got boring and he was really old and ugly. This was followed by a guy banging his 9-month looking pregnant wife (audience confused - wondering if it indeed was dangerous for the baby...). And then Kim Airs did a video which stunned the audience and nearly got a standing ovation. She peed her pants in the shower (to prove a point - that she was all urined out) and then took off her clothes and masturbated and started gushing, she was streaming all over the place - it did not end. It was quite impressive. One of the courses she teaches at Grand Opening is called "What the Hell is the G-Spot and the Female Ejaculation Thing?" Following her talented display, I heard mutterings from a some women who now want to take the course. The funniest part was after her bit she would say "That was just for you, Russell!" Following that was a woman jerking her husband off on the bed and the bed broke, it got some laughs.

And lastly, the final submission came in by my friends Sandy and Amanda. Sandy dressed up as a witch doctor and had a doll she would poke and prod - Amanda, in a different room would feel the arm pricks and titty twisters. All of this was set to music from Coil, NWW, Throbbing Gristle, and other faves. They finally met at the end and were both playing with the doll, writhing, following it up with a shower scene. Yes, Carter, I have finally seen FULL FRONTAL AMANDA (and on the full screen too)! It was titled "Voodoo Dykes" and got an amazing response from the audience - the most laughs out of any other film for the night.

The show sold out and they were turning people away. I'm glad I bought my tickets in advance and I can see a trend happening after this one. I would love to hear if any other cities decide to have something like this cos it was a really neat event. At the end of the show, the video tape was destroyed.
More info can be found at www.grandopening.com and some guidelines for submissions for next year's Amateur Adult Film Fest.

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